The Meadows Blog

Thursday, 03 March 2016 00:00

Balancing Work, Money, and Relationships

Everyone feels stressed about money and work from time to time, and for good reason. Careers and finances can have a profound impact on our families, our relationships, and our own personal health and well-being. Money and work can play the role that other addictions often play in people’s lives—that of a coping mechanism for unaddressed trauma, emotional pain, and self-destructive personal beliefs. Money obsession, work addiction, spending addiction, under earning, gambling, high-risk investing, chaotic entrepreneurship, hoarding, deprivation, and financial codependence are all signs that unhealthy attitudes about money have taken control of your life.

Are you having trouble reconciling your emotional balance sheet? Do your friends and family complain that you work too much? Do you give up or limit social, occupational, or recreational activities because you’d rather work? Are you frugal to the point of deprivation? Are you uncertain whether your spending habits are normal, or a signal of a larger problem? If so, our Living in Abundance: Balancing Work, Money and Relationships workshop was designed specifically for you.

Living in Abundance Workshop

Living in Abundance is a five-day intensive that will help you develop insights into your relationship to money and work. The workshop aims to help participants:

  • Discover how your behavior related to money and work developed
  • Recognize the rewards and costs of your behavior to one’s self and others
  • Obtain a treatment plan which intervenes on existing behavior and fosters a healthy relationship with money and work that will also enhance your relationship with yourself and others

Each participant will complete the Money and Work Adaptive Styles (MWASI) assessment tool created by Bonnie DenDoovan and receive the interpreted results.

For more details, call 800-244-4949 or contact us online.

Published in Workshops

My therapist told me most sex addicts have multiple addictions. Is that true?

I have never met a sex addict addicted only to sex. Typically, three to six addictions interact with one another. Most individuals who come into treatment don't realize this. Often they are in denial about the scope of their destructive behaviors, minimizing and rationalizing their patterns. Often they construct and normalize complex lives, allowing one addiction to flow seamlessly into the other.

Professionals who work 80 or 90 hours a week may feel they have earned a weekend of binge drinking and sex. They tell themselves they are not workaholics, because they can take time off to "relax." Similarly, some individuals who work excessive hours take vacations only to pack every minute with activities: scuba diving all day; a volleyball tournament before dinner; an expensive meal; and clubbing with alcohol, drugs, and sex until 3 a.m. - only to start the cycle over the next morning."I don't have a work addiction. I can relax and take time off," they tell themselves. What they don't realize is that they are addicted to intensity. They look for the high or emotional escape that allows them to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

All addicts are "shame-based," meaning they were given negative messages about themselves. A child can experience abuse that is overt (recognizable abuse that can be verbal, physical, or sexual) or covert (in which the child is not typically aware of the subconscious messages). Covert abuse is typically couched in the expectations that parents have for their children. "If I am a good athlete, my parents will be proud." "If I am homecoming queen, I will be popular."

These children believe they must perform in order to have value. Such intensely goal-oriented thinking teaches - and ultimately allows the children to avoid - feelings of shame. This is when patterns of addiction begin.

This need for external gratification sets up the children to have low internal esteem. They feel they are not enough; they are worthless and unlovable... unless they produce. Winning trophies and awards will bring attention and a sense of value. Before they are aware of it, these people establish patterns that allow emotional escape.

After cheating on his wife, the sex addict feels no guilt or remorse about his betrayals, but stops at the local pizza parlor and eats a whole pie. Still numb, he spends several hours gaming on the computer - yet another way to avoid the emotions that lie below the surface.  His patterns satiate his pain and shame.

Food addicts may gain weight so they don't have to be sexual. "I don't need sex," they tell themselves. "I am strong and independent."

The after-work drink with coworkers may turn into a one-night stand. "I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been drunk."

In treatment, individuals look at the interactive patterns in their lives, the seamless processes they unconsciously devise in order to survive painful feelings. The healing process often overwhelms the individual, because the addict often believes his or her own lies: "I don't really have problem with..." In reality, they have spent a lifetime jumping from one addictive behavior to the next on a roller coaster; the costly consequences can impact their livelihood, relationships, health, and finances - and can even bring death.

Published in Blog

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