The Meadows Blog

Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:00

The Internet and Our Children’s Safety

By: Cole Adams, LCSW, CSAT

I can remember back to the first time I saw pornography. I was walking home from school in the first grade and found a single page from Playboy. I took the page home and hid it in the bathroom. I felt so much shame about having it, but at the same time was compelled to keep it so that I could look at it again.

This week my children graduated from kindergarten and the term first grade was mentioned. I was immediately reminded of my experience that day walking home from school and a huge knot formed in my stomach. My children are entering the age when I was first exposed to pornography.

No parent that I know wants to think that their child might view porn. Current research shows us that the average age of exposure to porn is now eight years old. Prior to the Internet, the average age of exposure to porn was age 11-13. The ease and access of the Internet and digital media has created a tremendous problem for our society and our children.

Recently a dad, whom I respect very much, came to me because he was very concerned on what to do with his five-year-old son. That morning, he walked into his living room and found his son watching hardcore pornography. Apparently, his son had learned to use the remote and was trying to watch Scooby Doo. At that time on his cable company's pay-per-view was a hardcore porn film titled "Scooby Doo: A XXX Parody (Video 2011)". His son had clicked this title looking to watch "Scooby Doo and the Gang" and was traumatized for life. That child will never forget the images he saw that day. I still remember the images that I saw at age six. This father called the cable company and they walked him through setting up parental controls on his cable box. They would not discuss the absurdity of the porn that they had on their network. This type of event is just the tip of the iceberg as far as what our children are possibly exposed to on a daily basis.

Children today are being exposed to porn that is much more graphic and damaging to their mental health than in previous generations. The problem that we are facing has been labeled as a tsunami by Patrick Carnes, a leader in the field of sexual addiction research. Children have access to smart phones, satellite, cable, iPads, computers, and many other forms of instant free access to pornography. Many times these forms of media and communication are totally unfiltered and unmonitored. Not only is viewing pornography a possible option for our children, but interactivity and exhibitionism are common. It is now possible to download apps that will allow you to find and interact with someone who wants to act out sexually near you. This app will tell you what type of sexual experience this person wants to experience and how many feet/miles they are away from you. Kids are currently sexting nude pictures of themselves and others via their smart phones. Kids are under the false impression that there is anonymity and safety on the Internet. It could not be further from the truth. Once pictures and information are out on the web, it is virtually impossible to have it completely removed.

What can we do to help our kids? We cannot protect our kids from the world. I believe that our kids are going to see pornography. I also believe that we can do our best as parents to protect our kids as much as possible in our own home. For instance, I believe that every device at home should be filtered and monitored. Cable/Satellite should be password protected and set at an appropriate age limit for your kids. For all forms of Internet access, there should be software that is placed on all computers, laptops, iPhones, iPads, etc.  This software should serve two purposes. First, it should serve as a blocker. A blocker will do its best to block all sites that are adult related. Software companies have improved dramatically over the years, but they are not fool proof, porn sites are introduced daily and it is difficult for the blockers to keep up. Second, the software should monitor all activity that is done on each device including all sites that are visited and all searches made and provide a report to us, the parents. On iPads and smart phones, this same software should be installed and the ability to download apps should be controlled by a password that only the parent can administer. There are multiple software companies that have such products. The one that I would suggest is  Covenant Eyes is compatible with PC, Macs, iPhones, and iPads. If you have children or young adults, I would highly recommend taking time to research the software that suits your family best. I would also suggest that all forms of Internet access be kept in common areas of the house, not in the child's room. If you determine to allow Internet access in their room, I would also suggest that all electronics are left in the main area of the house at bed time and that it is understood that either parent has complete access to their phones, computers, and other devices.

To some this may seem like an invasion of privacy, but anything that is put out on the Internet is no longer private. As a practitioner working in the field of sex addiction, I see daily the catastrophic impact that pornography and sexual acting out have on individuals and families. I am happy for my children to have a hand written journal of their own, that I promise to never read, but if they feel the need to put something out into the world via the Internet, I have access too.

Cole Adams is the Owner of Bluffview Counseling Cole is psychotherapist, a licensed social worker (LCSW), and a certified sexual addiction therapist (CSAT). Bluffview Counseling specializes in working with individuals who struggle with sex addiction and pornography addiction, the partners who have been affected, and the couples that want to heal. We also specialize in working with individuals who struggle with chemical dependency, love addiction, sex and love addiction, and codependency.

Published in Blog
Tuesday, 23 July 2013 20:00

“Can a horse feel love?”

A question posed by a group member during an Equine Therapy session.

By: Ann M. Taylor, Equine Specialist at The Meadows

We hear all sorts of questions at Equine; some of them make you stop and think. Either you simply don’t know the answer or because you want to be sure that you’re giving the most accurate information. This question however never required a second thought.

"Of course they can!"

The first time we had the privilege of working with RC was eye opening. As I led him out of the stall I was told by a fellow Equine staff that "RC really loves deeply". Looking at him I tried to see what she saw. In the breeze way stood this older, rough looking horse that seemed to me to have seen his best days and none of them were this year, or the year before. Branded on his left rear quarter a large letter R and on the right a large letter C. Hence the name "RC".

RC has a disease called Cushing's that affects his pituitary gland. A symptom of Cushing's is that he can't shed his winter coat. So, being summer, he was sporting a body clip. It was similar to something you may see after your youngest gets hold of dads beard trimmer. His eyes looked dead tired and I was not even sure he would make it down the hill to the round pen.

He sighed heavy as we walked down the hill and he managed three breaks before we were at the round pen gate. He eased his way through the gate and closing it behind him I was genuinely concerned that RC may not be the horse for the job. Although the activity was pretty easy for a horse I doubted that he had enough life in him to really be effective during a session.

The group arrived and checked in. The whole time RC stood with his nose against the fence dozing in the shade occasionally his tail would toss to one side or the other. He reminded me of an old weathered frame of a house gently blowing back and forth in the soft breeze, and I wondered if he may decide to just collapse under his own weight right there.

When the group was ready we opened the round pen gate and they went inside. Lazy eyes opened and considered the group from across the pen. Idle brown ears now perked up and watched the group with intent. He turned to face them completely and there was LIFE! What was a geriatric case of a horse shifted into a curiously intent and animated creature. He rubbed up against the members of the group and took time to explore each person.

The entire session his eyes only asked one question "What do you need?". He stood closely behind a group member in strong silent support as they shared around a difficult topic. He pressed his head gently into another Participant who struggled with intimacy. I watched this horse decide what each person needed and then be that for them. There was no doubt that RC LOVED the people in that group, and every group for the rest of the week. Over and over we were amazed at how he could identify just exactly what someone needed in the moment.

When the group would end RC would watch them leave through the gate. That big brown head would drop back down and there was that old house frame blowing in the wind again. At the end of the first day there were smiles, laughter, Ah Ha moments and some tears. It was a good day. When everyone was gone I slipped the halter over his graying muzzle and scratched his neck. Once again I was worried that the walk up the hill to the barn might be too much for him. Opening the gate I could hear his old hips pop as he moved that heavy frame out of the round pen.

Suddenly there was an unexpected tension on the rope. Spinning around, I found myself staring at RC's rump as HE led ME up the hill! I could have skied behind him! That was the best laugh of the week.

So can a horse love? I don't think there is anyone better who can teach us about love than an old brown horse.

Special thanks to Philly and Cindy at Remuda Equine for your willingness to share the gifts that you call horses.

Published in Blog

The Meadows announced the addition of Patrick Carnes’ Gentle Path Program. Through this definitive and exclusive license agreement with New Freedom Corporation, Gentle Path will be relocating from Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services in Hattiesburg, Miss. to The Meadows’ newest property, Vista, located two miles from the main campus. Vista will open on October 15, 2013, offering a 26-bed facility and an exclusive and confidential setting for males 18 years and older.

The Gentle Path program is based on the ground breaking work of Dr. Carnes’ Thirty-Task model which has been empirically validated to be an effective form of treatment for sexually compulsive behavior.  Patients of the Gentle Path program undergo a comprehensive diagnostic assessment prior to participation in the residential treatment program. Patients focus on trauma therapy in addition to treatment for mood disturbance, anxiety, or addictions such as chemical dependency and process addictions.

"The Meadows is pleased that Gentle Path will join our organization and provide us the opportunity to expand our services to men who suffer from a sexual disorder," said Jim Dredge, CEO for The Meadows. "We are thrilled that Dr. Patrick Carnes has returned to The Meadows as a new Senior Fellow, as well as directing the Gentle Path program."

Gentle Path offers a comprehensive level of holistic treatment and services which includes 12-Step groups and an intensive one-week Family Care Program. Family week brings together patients'; loved ones to assist in dealing with difficult issues, identify the problems they face and set goals for recovery. In addition, The Meadows' signature Survivors Workshop will be added to the program, along with Equine Therapy and Somatic Experiencing®.

"Walking onto The Meadows campus was like returning home," said Dr. Patrick Carnes. "I look forward to a collaborative, exciting, and innovative new version of the Gentle Path Program."

Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., C.A.S., is a nationally known speaker on sex addiction and recovery issues.  He is the founder of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and Gentle Path Press. From 1996 until 2004, Dr. Carnes was Clinical Director for Sexual Disorder Services at The Meadows. His achievements include the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), where they present an annual "Carnes Award" to researchers and clinicians who have made exceptional contributions to the field of sexual health.

Dr. Carnes is the author of Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1992), Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (1989), The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997), Open Hearts (1999), Facing the Shadow (2001), In the Shadows of the Net (2001), and The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction (2002), Recovery Zone (2009), and A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Principles (2012). Dr. Carnes' article, "18.4 Sexual Addiction," appears in Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry (2005).

The Meadows is an industry leader in treating trauma and addiction through its inpatient and workshop programs. To learn more about The Meadows Gentle Path Program, contact an intake coordinator at (866)856-1279 or visit

For over 35 years, The Meadows has been a leading trauma and addiction treatment center. In that time, they have helped more than 20,000 patients in one of their three inpatient centers and 25,000 attendees in national workshops. The Meadows world-class team of Senior Fellows, Psychiatrists, Therapists and Counselors treat the symptoms of addiction and the underlying issues that cause lifelong patterns of self-destructive behavior. The Meadows, with 24 hour nursing and on-site physicians and psychiatrists, is a Level 1 Sub-Acute Agency that is accredited by the Joint Commission.

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Many clients ask professionals "Why have I been plagued with hyper-sexuality?" In other words, they were curious as to understand why  they had become addicted to hyper-sexual behavior?' This question is often asked by drug and alcohol addicts who also wonder why they were plagued with the addiction gene when their siblings did not appear to have similar issues.

Although the field of sexual addiction is a relatively new one, we have research that shows that there are two pathways to sexual addiction. Often times children who have been traumatized as young kids, will in adolescence or adulthood reenact the trauma; in the form of compulsive sexuality. One of the exercises that I give my clients is to look back in their childhoods and identify the small or the big events that traumatized them. That might look like a divorce or a parents abandonment. That might be the result of a child walking in on his parents having sex. That may include a neighbor or family friend molesting him or her. These little "t" or big "T" traumas lay the ground work for the human psyche to continue to replay unconsciously, the scenario over and over again as an adult. It is if the brain becomes psychologically become stuck or locked in the brain as something familiar that creates compulsivity. The trauma results in the development of an arousal template that continues to light up as it is acted adult in adulthood. The good news is that psychologists believe that these behaviors that repetitiously manifest over and over again are opportunities to get the needed help as an adult that the child was unable to get as a child.

John was frequently punished as a child by his father. His father would beat him severely for even the slightest infractions. Despite the abuse and painful exchange of punishment, John became intrigued as an adult when he viewed sadistic and masochistic forms of internet pornography and began to unconsciously play out these fantasies in his sex life. Punishment and sexual excitement became fused together and became the only stimuli that effectively delivered arousal during times of sex. John shared his desires with his wife who was disgusted by the thought of using physical spankings in the bedroom therefore John became even more compulsive with his viewings on the internet. This behavior escalated further and eventually he was secretly going outside of the marriage to get his sexual needs met which added an extra element of secrecy and excitement to his sexual arousal template. In this scenario it is easy to see how John was reenacting the trauma of early childhood beatings into his sexual life. John said that the first time he ever viewed S & M pornography, he felt a familiarity that drew him back to the porn over and over again. It is likely that John experienced suppressed rage about his childhood abuse which he combined with erotica to produce the desire to reenact the trauma. Unfortunately a contributor to sexual addiction is eroticized rage.

A secondary contributor for arousal template development occurs when children's young minds get "brainlocked" after they have seen something that is curious, titillating or even disturbing. Young children who stumble on their parents soft porn magazines, videos or internet sites may develop the compulsion to go back over the material frequently. Their brain development becomes altered when the reward center learns to light up after viewing this material. This material creates the arousal template that maps out sexual excitement in adulthood. With sexual addiction this behavior becomes compulsive and like an addiction, the sex addict spends more and more time, money and energy finding new forms of this sexual material or experience.

If either of these scenarios sound like you it is important to seek help with a certified sexual addictions therapist (CSAT) who can assist you in calming down the brain, and managing the template while you undergo the process of retraining the brain towards healthy sexuality and break the chains of compulsivity and hyper-sexuality.

Neither trauma nor "brainlock" needs to lock you into compulsive behaviors that keep you from engaging in a normal or healthy life!

Carol Juergensen Sheets, LCSW, PCC, CSAT, is currently in private practice in Indianapolis, IN. She speaks nationally on mental health issues and is featured in several local magazines. She currently has an internet radio show on and does regular television segments focusing on life skills to improve one's potential. You can read her blogs at To contact Carol about sexual addiction: www.sexhelpwithcarolthecoach.

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The Meadows' Senior Fellow, Alexandra Katehakis, MFT, CSAT-S, CST-S, along with Dr. Sonnee Weedn and Jill Vermiere, are the recipients of the 2013 Clark Vincent Award from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) for their role in writing sections of the textbook, Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts. The award was presented at CAMFT's 49th Annual Meeting in Sacramento, Calif. on May 16-19, 2013.

Katehakis is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, Calif. She is an expert in the treatment of sexual addiction and other sexual disorders and has incorporated interpersonal neurobiology into her Psychobiological Approach to Sex Addiction Treatment (PASAT). Katehakis was the 2012 recipient of the Carnes Award, a distinguished acknowledgment for her significant contributions to the field of sex addiction. She is author of "Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex after Recovery from Sex Addiction" and is currently writing a book for the W.W. Norton Interpersonal Neurobiology Series edited by Allan Schore and Daniel Siegel titled, Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Holistic Healing Model (2014).

"The Meadows is thrilled that Alexandra Katehakis was presented with the prestigious Clark Vincent Award honoring a literary or research contribution to the profession of marriage and the family," said Jim Dredge, CEO for The Meadows. "We also applaud and congratulate Dr. Sonnee Weedn and Jill Vermiere."

The Meadows is an industry leader in treating trauma and addiction through its inpatient and workshop programs. To learn more about The Meadows' work with trauma and addiction contact an intake coordinator at (866) 856-1279 or visit

For over 35 years, The Meadows has been a leading trauma and addiction treatment center. In that time, they have helped more than 20,000 patients in one of their three inpatient centers and 25,000 attendees in national workshops. The Meadows world-class team of Senior Fellows, Psychiatrists, Therapists and Counselors treat the symptoms of addiction and the underlying issues that cause lifelong patterns of self-destructive behavior. The Meadows, with 24 hour nursing and on-site physicians and psychiatrists, is a Level 1 Sub-Acute Agency that is accredited by the Joint Commission.

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