Jessica Martindale attended The Meadows Survivors workshop a few years ago and has since gone on to pursue her dream of singing. She recently contacted the Meadows to share her thoughts on her experience and how what she learned has impacted her life.
As we enter the season of thanks, I can’t help but be humbled by how much I have to be grateful. It was less than a year ago I was living what I call a ‘partial life’. I had a rough childhood and believed our pasts are in the past; we can’t hide behind them; we simply must to press on. This mentality of ignoring the events of my childhood affected every piece of my world, from the job I chose to the way I handled stress. It resulted in perfectionism - distracting me from experiencing my true self, from feeling deep joy or seeing the beauty life offers. Despite my strong faith system, I felt empty and lost.
A therapist recommended I attend Survivor’s week at the Meadows. Desperate for change, I packed my bags for the week that rocked my world. My time at Survivor’s gave me permission to look at the events of my youth in a safe environment. It allowed me to grieve the loss of parenting I should have experienced and empowered me to parent myself henceforth. It freed me from believing I don’t deserve to have my dreams come true or passions fulfilled. It gave me the courage to live and thrive as my true self- messiness and all!
Prior to The Meadows I believed minimizing my background gave me power over it, but I learned it had been crippling me. It had kept me in this state of ‘partial living’. I still have so much to learn, but my week-long experience was a catalyst to send me towards health, to which I am forever thankful.
Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a singer. The healthier I’ve become, the stronger my conviction to pursue my dream grew. In May I quit my safe corporate career and made my first CD! It was released at the end of September 2013 and has been followed with a southeast tour of singing my songs and telling my truth.
There are two songs in particular that capture my journey: ‘Go’ and ‘Soon, We’ll Dance’. I wrote the song ‘Go’ as a reminder to myself to live in a place of honesty, even when reverting to the ‘Hero Child’ or ‘Lost Child’ is more comfortable. I am still learning how to live in this new role where it’s okay to make mistakes and it isn’t my responsibility to solve my loved one’s problems. (What a relief!)
I wrote ‘Soon, We’ll Dance’ about my experience leaving my stable world to pursue my passion. I believe, with my whole heart, if we know we are meant to do something in life - we must run after it, not looking back. That very passion and drive will lead us to our promise land, to the place where we can’t help but come alive...fully.
Writing and recording these songs has been one of the most joyful experiences of my life. I hope listening will bring a measure of that joy to you!
To view more of Jessica's work, please visit her Youtube page.